Meanings of Contentment

Malibu Lagoon by Carson Pritchard

After many years of striving for "things" and wanting more, I find myself surprisingly content with what I now have. I say "surprisingly" because it is a surprise...to me. I have always been very security minded; anxious to know I can pay my bills and there's money in the bank for a rainy day. When those things are not in place, I am riddled with anxiety and fear that tends to make me physically ill. So, the idea that I am finally learning the meaning of contentment is a big big surprise and a welcome one.

This occurred to me yesterday while sitting in church. Our wonderful minister was speaking about the things we need to pursue on a daily basis, one of which was to enjoy the life we have. I realized I do enjoy my life now. This wasn't always the case.

I have gone from the needy, striving, covetous position of having nothing and envying others to finding a place for myself in my relationships, my marriage, the working world. I had to evolve from dependence on my husband and friends to dependence on myself. I had to learn to take responsibility; not an easy thing to do when always looking outside myself for happiness.

It has taken 50+ years to understand that happiness truly does come from within. I was told this but never seemed to accept it. I always thought there should be more. But more is all in your head. It is perception and not reality. If you perceive yourself to be happy, you are and vice versa.

This weekend was a fulfilling and reflective series of events. My husband and I attended an art show fundraiser, mingling with the artistic members of our small community. It was a great deal of fun and a different kind of outing for us. Yesterday, our youngest son turned 21, a huge milestone for all concerned. We took seven people to dinner and then he and his friends invited us to one of our favorite bars for a drink. When he paid for our drinks, my husband was all smiles. "This is the way it should be!" he said. I knew what he meant.

We talked about how lucky we are to have two sweet, kind boys, well-liked by their friends, who include their parents in their hopes and dreams and fears. They fill us with pride. Did we do a good job? We did our best.

I do not have the money I wish I had, I do not have the physical health and energy I wish I had. But, I awaken each day, go to a job I like, see my friends often, write in my blog, read my books, garden, cook and participate in life. I'm so far from perfect it's pathetic. I'm so far from secure, it's laughable. But my expectations have lowered considerably. I'm becoming a little easier on myself; more forgiving. These are the things that contribute to my new found sense of well being and contentment.

The painting above is in a collection of art work by my childhood friend, Carson Pritchard. She's another talented artist whose work I want to share. Double click her name above to see her collected works.

Good Friends

Last March, my girlfriend & husband threw a party. The weather outside was frightful but about 60 people drove to her home in the Maine countryside to enjoy a lively and "informal Tex Mex" banquet. She comes from a restaurant family and is a very good cook. She prepared empanadas made with slow roasted pulled pork, refried beans, hot hot chili, corn bread, several kinds of salads, fresh fruit & cheese, enchiladas, guacamole, roasted asparagus, taquitos; it was grand. I prepared a double layered lemon cheesecake with lemon curd topping. Someone else made a Mexican chocolate & cinnamon cake with milk frosting. There was a slushy machine churning out margaritas. You could just walk up, pull the lever and "that frozen concoction" came pouring out.

These photos are from the party. Left is the party giver and artist, Joelle. In the middle is our Swiss friend, Ladina, an amazing skier and athlete. I'm on the right. We girls met when our sons were in third grade. Between the baseball, football, soccer and more, we found ourselves car pooling, cooking for team dinners, planning picnics and time for the families to share with one another. We incorporated our husbands which forever cemented our relationships. Over the past twelve years we have exercised, partied, cooked, played, cried, clung to one another and laughed our asses off over anything we can. In the photo above, we are discussing the benefits vs the defects of high heels while holding Joelle's 4" heels which she has now taken off because her feet hurt.

I'm now 57. Ladina is 51, I think. Joelle is 40. Our friendship is based on a mutual love of the same things and the enjoyment and respect we have for one another. Raising our kids has been easier because we share our frustrations and fear, give good advice when we're asked and sympathise with one another. Our parenting skills are in synch. One night, Joelle and I ferreted out the location of an illegal kid drinking party, drove there, walked in the front door, big as life, pointed to a group of sullen looking boys and said,

"You, You, You...GET IN THE CAR!"

Out came our three boys. I think they were freshmen in high school. Boy, were they embarrassed. My son said it took two years to live that down, heh heh.

Every time we share a meal, we touch glasses and say,

"Here's to us! Here's to good friends."

Security

"Security is mostly imagination, it doesn't exist in nature...life is either a daring adventure or it's nothing at all." Helen Keller 1919-1985

Someone sent this quote to me today in an email. I thought it worth sharing, especially in light of the recent posts I've read expressing various forms of insecurity about jobs, health, children, and the welfare of others.

We are all insecure. I have struggled with it my entire life. There are days I awake and hit the ground running and can talk with anyone about anything. (I'm in sales). There are other days I want to crawl in a hole and avoid interaction completely, afraid someone will find out I'm a fraud. Yesterday I had a hard time speaking on the phone with prospective clients. I found myself explaining that I was having a "brain freeze". I don't need to do that! Nobody cares anyway! That's not insecurity, it's reality. :)

The point is, Helen Keller is right. Security is in your head. You have a job today, you lose it tomorrow. Are you still the same person? Yes. Have your circumstances changed? Yes. Are you now facing adventure? Yes. If you look at new circumstances as an opportunity, as an adventure, it puts a positive spin on things. They don't seem quite as scary.

The yogis have it right. Do what you can today. It may be better or not as good as what you did yesterday but it is the best you can do for now.

Remember "The Road Not Taken".

Positive Energy

Apple Blossoms by Joelle

I have been sick with a virus since Tuesday night. My husband has been ill since Sunday night. We have been utterly miserable...but miserable together, which is comforting in its way.

Time to get some positive energy back before we wither away or he de-hydrates! So here goes:

My girlfriend painted this last year. I've been holding my breath for Spring so I could post it. I love it; it's fresh and happy. Makes me feel great.

The weather is warm and sunny today. I believe it will hit 50. That is huge! The snow is receding and we have most of our lawn back. So pleased with that.

I've lost 8 lbs this week. I cannot eat and am drinking clear liquids. It's not unlike when you come out of the hospital. This is the upside of the flu. My body looks better and that is a major plus!

Also, I've had more sleep than I can remember this week. That is also a biggie. I don't sleep well and am usually sleep-deprived. Can't quarrel with that.

I figure, when I'm back to normal, I'll be in better shape: slimmer, more rested and figuring out how to maintain both.