Tuesday Funnies

Women in the Work Force: Are We Progressing?

Whether you're in or out of the work force, there is always something new to learn.  Sometimes I get all girly and just want to know if my clothes are up to date and what's trending.  This morning I was reading clothing blogs, getting some decent pointers but mostly not.  already pretty was advising what to wear in the work force. She asked her contributors to submit their working wardrobe advice.  One of the contributors, Lisa from Privilege wrote this:

Of course, even the highly visible sometimes have positions of power, and can test a lot of limits. Look at Facebook COO, Sheryl Sandberg ...sporting heels, ruffles, and cleavage. As Facebook prepares their IPO she has the world by the, um, tail.

Well naturally I had to go see what the fuss was about...That's it?  Hell, I've dressed like that!  Many times!  What the...I  chalked her remark off to just being catty.  Then I got off the silly dress code crap and linked to the Sandberg video.  It was vaguely familiar and I knew I'd seen it before, thanks to Ad Broad who stuck to the point:  how to succeed as a woman in business.


I've experienced most things she's discussing.  My sons would wrap themselves around each leg when I dropped them at a day school in the mornings.  They were 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 and it broke my heart.  I had a boss at the time who, if I were five minutes late, was tapping his watch when I came in the office!  I was in sales for God's sake!  I earned my money the hard way, on commission.  He continually called me on the carpet for leaving work if the children were sick, etc.  My husband worked out of town and was unable to help then.  It was on my shoulders and, as the only married with children salesperson on the team, I took a load of shit.  Yet, I was the #2 biller out of 8 sales people.

My husband has always been a good partner.  He's fair about everything except making dinner.  His idea of making dinner is take out pizza.  Other than that, he was totally involved with raising the children, doing household chores, etc. He was also involved in my work in the sense he would listen to my problems.  When I had the watch tapping boss, I started to fear I was developing ulcers.  I was popping 8-10 Tums daily.  My stomach was in knots.  My husband would hypnotize me to ease the stress and it worked. 

Sandford says women do not credit themselves enough for their victories.  I believe this to be true.  We do tend to be more modest, crediting team work, etc.  We do also tend to back away from commitments when we're either pregnant, raising a child, etc.  I made that mistake once and I've always regretted it.  I walked away from a big job as a Gen. Sales Mgr of a very strong station because I was doubting my ability to do that and care for my children.  It still haunts me 20 years later.  Yeah, I know.  Let it go.

Anyway, she gives an excellent talk.  She's not preachy just practical.  It ain't easy being a man or woman in corporate America today but cream will rise to the top if you perservere and make it happen.

Writer's Block or Depression?

Caribbean Holiday by Laura Trevey

I have been unable to find a topic I wanted to write about this past week.  I may have writer's block.  I may just be depressed.  I usually have so much I want to write I keep a list so as not to forget my topics.  However, that is not the case of late.  I post once a week to Empty Next Evolution thanks to Theme Thursday. But that blog is suffering too. This blog, so often a mixture of political POV from the female perspective, is stumping me right now.

I am still reading the book "Game Change" but it's slow going as I come home tired from work and just flake out.  The news has been so depressing of late, what with Haiti, the President's many dilemmas, the economy.  I find work to be difficult as well.  We've had strange weather in the east, heavy snow followed by torrential rain.  Doesn't do much for the economy in our ski town.  People seem to be walking about in a daze, unsure of tomorrow and worrying, worrying, worrying.  Me too.

I need a vacation.  I chose this piece of art by Laura Trevey because the title  reflects my desire to get away from it all.  I'm getting ready to watch the State of the Union.  I don't expect to hear anything I don't already know.  But I would like to hear that the vision is there and a plan is in place.    One constantly has to reinforce one's sense of values. This goes ten fold for the President.

You know, if you look closely at this water color, it has a very stormy appearance.  Trees in a strong wind.  Perhaps I picked an appropos painting after all.

Meanings of Contentment

Malibu Lagoon by Carson Pritchard

After many years of striving for "things" and wanting more, I find myself surprisingly content with what I now have. I say "surprisingly" because it is a surprise...to me. I have always been very security minded; anxious to know I can pay my bills and there's money in the bank for a rainy day. When those things are not in place, I am riddled with anxiety and fear that tends to make me physically ill. So, the idea that I am finally learning the meaning of contentment is a big big surprise and a welcome one.

This occurred to me yesterday while sitting in church. Our wonderful minister was speaking about the things we need to pursue on a daily basis, one of which was to enjoy the life we have. I realized I do enjoy my life now. This wasn't always the case.

I have gone from the needy, striving, covetous position of having nothing and envying others to finding a place for myself in my relationships, my marriage, the working world. I had to evolve from dependence on my husband and friends to dependence on myself. I had to learn to take responsibility; not an easy thing to do when always looking outside myself for happiness.

It has taken 50+ years to understand that happiness truly does come from within. I was told this but never seemed to accept it. I always thought there should be more. But more is all in your head. It is perception and not reality. If you perceive yourself to be happy, you are and vice versa.

This weekend was a fulfilling and reflective series of events. My husband and I attended an art show fundraiser, mingling with the artistic members of our small community. It was a great deal of fun and a different kind of outing for us. Yesterday, our youngest son turned 21, a huge milestone for all concerned. We took seven people to dinner and then he and his friends invited us to one of our favorite bars for a drink. When he paid for our drinks, my husband was all smiles. "This is the way it should be!" he said. I knew what he meant.

We talked about how lucky we are to have two sweet, kind boys, well-liked by their friends, who include their parents in their hopes and dreams and fears. They fill us with pride. Did we do a good job? We did our best.

I do not have the money I wish I had, I do not have the physical health and energy I wish I had. But, I awaken each day, go to a job I like, see my friends often, write in my blog, read my books, garden, cook and participate in life. I'm so far from perfect it's pathetic. I'm so far from secure, it's laughable. But my expectations have lowered considerably. I'm becoming a little easier on myself; more forgiving. These are the things that contribute to my new found sense of well being and contentment.

The painting above is in a collection of art work by my childhood friend, Carson Pritchard. She's another talented artist whose work I want to share. Double click her name above to see her collected works.

Obama: I Just Can't Get Enough of This Guy!

Hope springs eternal. The stock market is awry, the country is struggling, jobs are being eliminated and people are waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I hate to sound like Pollyanna but I really cannot wait for the new President and his cabinet to take over and "fix" things.

Will they? Won't they? It's anyone's guess. But we will begin a new year with hope and faith in our country, our leaders and our ability to bounce back. Will it ever again be the same? Doubtful. Nor should it. I think we can all pull back on our reckless spending and adapt to a more frugal lifestyle. A year ago I was lamenting I didn't have the money to take a vacation each of the three weeks I had off. Now, I'm just happy I have a job!

Missing In Action

I haven't been writing. I am without a laptop right now and I cannot blog while at work although there are plenty of times I'd like to. I'm in a new job, which I love, and I'm getting a new computer soon. Once I have it, I'll be able to devote time after work to getting this blog back on track and cleaning up some of the mistakes I am finding. This is true of my other blog, www.emptynestevolution.blogspot.com. Stick with me. I'll be back.

Brave New World or Same Old Same Old?

I'm underwhelmed by the choice of Sarah Palin for running mate to John McCain. She represents pretty much everything I detest: the NRA, anti-abortion for any reason (including rape & incest), drilling in Alaska...and Rush Limbaugh's been talking her up since Feb. 08, according to slate.com.

I'm not all that impressed that she's a working mother of five either. I no longer believe a working mother can really have it all. Something has to give. As the mother of two sons who had to work for most of their growing up, it wasn't easy, it wasn't fun and I had many days of doubt. I retreated from a management position and subsequent offer because it was too time-consuming. I was working way too many hours spending more and more time at the office and less and less with my children. They were being raised by a series of nannies and that, in itself, became a problem. My biggest saving grace was being in sales. I could go home during the day if I wanted to check on them. Most women can't do that. I remember wishing we could start a daycare in our office building. I pushed for job sharing in its infancy. I finally convinced my boss, a bachelor, to let me work part time instead of full time so I could be home with the boys in the afternoons. My sales didn't suffer. In fact, my productivity increased because I was so happy. That ended when his replacement, a woman, wanted me to break up my sales accounts because I "couldn't possibly carry a full list and do it justice." I quit.

At that point, I was lucky enough to stop working for four crucial years. They were 6 & 7 and they needed Mom around to help them with school projects, sports and homework. It was a wonderful time for the family and especially for me.

I understand Gov. Palin has a stay at home husband, to some extent, and he can parent them in her absence. That is a good thing for her children. I'm not a proponent of child bearing to the extent where we do more than duplicate ourselves. The planet is truly overflowing. Many of the problems we face are because there are just so many people competing for the same things and using all our natural resources.

This probably sounds like backward thinking from a woman who believes in the liberation of women. I may be way off base making these statements. Most women do what they can to provide for their families and make their way through the work place. I believe women are equal in the work place and certainly capable of achieving greatness in all things. But I also know we are the nurturers, the caregivers, the housekeepers, the cooks, the laundresses, the nose-wipers and the comforters. Somebody has to be there. Yes kids learn by example but they also need guidance to get the wisdom required to recognize the example. Should it always be the woman who gives in? Of course not. But somebody needs to parent the kids.

I don't really see the Republican party or their nominees as the answer to our diverging class system, our economic problems, our ability to protect and provide for our children. If they were the answer, we wouldn't be in the mess we are today, seven & one half years after the Democrats left office. We should be focused on feeding our chidren, helping the poor, solving our energy crises and providing reliable health care. We should get out of Iraq, bring our soldiers home and concentrate on our citizens, our needs, our challenges.

Working Girl: I Kissed A Coworker and I Liked It

This, Working Girl: I Kissed A Coworker and I Liked It

reminds me of the old Dorothy Parker poem:

Martini
I love a martini,
2 at the most,
3 I'm under the table,
4 I'm under my host

Friday Nights

When I was in my late twenties, newly divorced and on my own again, I worked in the Fotomat marketing department in San Diego. It was the most fun job I ever had in my favorite city in the U.S. Everyone in marketing (except our two bosses) was a twenty-something. Most were single or divorced; all of us were party animals. My favorite night of the week was Friday. My girlfriends and I would get together at someone's house, drink wine to discuss our issues: man issues, work issues, life issues. By unspoken consent, the rest would listen, discuss, then give advice. It was therapy. It was better than therapy! I know. I've seen my share of therapists over the years.

No matter the issue, we had support. If one of the women was in a bad relationship, we'd counsel her out of it. If someone had self-esteem issues, we'd build her up. If someone needed to talk frankly to the boss who was hitting on her, we'd role play it out. Oh yes. It was therapeutic and it worked.

I have alot of friends and I've made alot of friends over the years. But I've never enjoyed the working rapport I experienced during those still youthful enough-to -make-serious-mistakes days. Friends who care are the most valuable of all. They can save your job, your relationship, even your life.

Why don't I re-establish Friday nights with my current friends? We all have issues that need dealing with! Well, I guess everyone is just too busy to commit. On occasion, we do have group discussions that include our husbands. But it's not the same. I love the camaraderie women have. We can and do discuss anything and everything. Nothing is sacred. Men aren't like that. They have verboten topics like income, sexual prowess or intimacy (or lack thereof),depression, whether or not they are working,stuff like that. They simply hate it when their wives, girlfriends, significant others discuss these topics. You can't be honest with each other when men are around!

However, I do think, as time goes on, these valuable get-togethers will re-convene. Women need each other. They need the nurturing, the insight, the comfort, the honesty...the Friday nights.

Time to Make the Doughnuts

"Time to make the doughnuts" is the famous line from the Dunkin Doughnuts commercials back in the late seventies or early eighties (I think). It's how I feel every morning. Trouble is, I don't wanna go to work and make the doughnuts any more! I want to get up each morning and write. If it's a beautiful day I want to garden. If it isn't I want to cook. I don't want to sound ungrateful but boy would I like to relinquish all my responsibilities and just take off.

My husband and I returned from a week long road trip and I can't seem to get back in the swing of things with work. I know it's common so I'm not worried. I could spend all day reading other people's blogs, searching for recipes, sending emails and letters or beginning a new book. I'm currentlly reading "John Adams" by David McCullough. I became interested in it after the HBO series. Mr. McCullough makes history interesting. When is the last time you thought that?

But, duty calls and I've gotta get to work and go make those *!#!@*#! doughnuts.