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| "My Name is Bond, James Bond." |
The morning of the birth of my second child, the only thing I felt, as I was wheeled in to the birthing room, was a fear I can only describe as "primal". It had nothing to do with the childbirth process. It was an unreasonable, unsettling dread I couldn't shake: that something, somehow was going to be terribly wrong. My husband felt it as well but we didn't know why. All indications were this would be a healthy baby...and he was.
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Prom Night
Posing With Mom |
That was 22 years ago today. My son has grown into a young man of great kindness and consideration with a generous heart. At 6'2" he is a presence. People respond to him positively. He has a winning personality and is eager to please. In some ways he is naive for his age but we raised him in a rural, mountainous region. His exposure to city ways has been limited to a couple of semesters in college and the tourists we get. But that is okay too for he has a charm more winning than his slightly more sophisticated friends.
The apprehension we felt the morning of his birth stayed with us many years. We were fearful, oh so fearful, something would happen to him. We hid that fear but I've always wondered if he picked up on it anyway. He once said, at a fairly young age, "I don't think I'm going to live too long." You can imagine how I responded to that statement! Both boys were hellions during their teenaged years but this one always got caught. Middle of the night phone calls bring a dread every parent knows. I would sit bolt upright with each one or lie in bed awake until he came home. My insomnia was such I finally had to sleep in another bedroom where I couldn't hear the car arrive in the middle of the night.
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| Turning 21 |
His twenty first birthday was a turning point for me. He had gone to college for a few semesters, lived in Utah and was now living in a house he shared with friends. His behaviour no longer was "in my face" so to speak. I wasn't confronted with it and, as a consequence, wasn't reacting. It was what many parents wait for: a reprieve. Living with us now, he's working two jobs, seven days a week, saving money to move to Tampa. I'm so proud. I am grateful for his presence and the opportunity to mother him just a little longer. I make his favorite meals when he can have dinner with us and I now hope the day he leaves takes its time because I know how much I will miss him.
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| Workin' Up A Sweat on the Florida Gulf Coast 2009 |
I still listen for his car at night. I still react with concern to my phone ringing after 10pm. I no longer have the dread. It's just a parental hangover. He's still my baby and I will never, ever stop wondering how he is.
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| Sunset, Holmes Beach 2009 |
Happy Birthday Beautiful Boy!
