Pain and Uncertainty

As a short postscript to Sunday's post, "Pain". I spoke with my family doc yesterday. She called to tell me she'd finally received the results of an exam I had with a rheumatologist. She said I looked "fine". Trouble is, she did not realize she was looking at a four year old examination.

She wants me to have another one.

Doctors always tell you they simply want to "rule out" things. But that is code and it's hard not to worry and wonder what you'll do if they find something.

I had the original exam because my best friend's mother encouraged me, no, demanded I have one. She had visited and been concerned about my health: two hip replacements and ongoing joint pain with a pending knee replacement. She is a nurse with a Phd who worked in cancer med at UCLA, so when she tells me to do something, I do it.

Back in '05, I received a clean bill of health and was greatly relieved because the rheumatoligist looks for many different things including some kind of necrosis of the bone. I'd never heard of that so that was a new scary one to contemplate. I waited and waited to finally receive the results via a letter. All was well.

Now I'm going to repeat the process. Should I? It's half a day off work to drive the 80 miles to this specialist. But it's more than that. It's the repeat performance; the waiting; the uncertainty. Part of me says to ignore it and go on with my life because what will I do if they find something? Avoidance issues.

My father would say I'm "borrowing trouble". He'd probably be right.