Oh Boy! My Eyes Are Going

Had cataract surgery on my right eye Monday and , thus far, it is not the "cakewalk" everyone said it would be.  In fact, it was downright disconcerting.

The prep involved 3 days of  2 prescrips of eye drops 3x daily (try remembering THAT) and the damn drops were $119!!!  My first clue.   Then no eating past Midnight, no liquids next AM & the surgery wasn't til 1:30pm.  I was starving. 

Pre-op was fun (not).  They put a little gown & hair net on me, hooked me to a heart monitor (HEART MONITOR??), stuck an IV in, ouch, and sat me in a weird looking chair, like an old barbershop chair, very uncomfortable.  The nurse proceeds to tell me I'm their "pediatric patient of the day." 

I looked at her and said, "What does that mean?" 

"Oh, you're so young!  We usually have patients in the 70s & 80s!"

"How many do you guys do a day?"  I queried, now irritable. 

"On an average day, twelve.  Busy day, sixteen."

Holy shit!  I was in a factory! 

They wheeled me into a freezing cold room adjacent to the OR.  Yes, this place has an OR.  There I sat freezing my ass off til they put a blanket over me.  I waited a good (or was it bad?) 20 minutes more til they took me into OR.  The IV was attached to a sedative, the chair was tilted backward to an uncomfortable (for me) position and the doc proceeded to go to town.  Sometime in the midst of the procedure, which was very uncomfortable & nerve wracking, the dr starts yelling (yes  YELLING)

"Get more anesthetic into her!  She's wiggling all over the place!"

Okay, now I'm really nervous.  WTF is going on?  I'm trying to talk & he tells me not to. 

By the time it's done, I'm a veggie from the extra anesthetic and I can't see anything.  They wheel me back to the Pre & Post Op room & my husband comes in and the doctor proceeds to tell us the surgery did not go off without a hitch.  That hitch being he pierced the vitreous fluid sac and it's his fault, hasn't had a mis-step in a long time an the worst case scenario is I get a "detached retina" down the road.  He's very sorry.  He said I wasn't anesthetized enough.  I will get a different anesthetic for the next one.

I am not feeling the love here.  In fact, I'm pissed.  But, I'm too gorked to be pissed so I let my husband deal with it.  They give me the old person sunglasses; the ones that wrap around every conceivable space light might enter and a clear plastic eye patch which is taped to my eye.  I'm to wear it the rest of the day and every night for a week.  I look absurd, I really cannot see and I'm unsteady on my feet. 

Next morning we go back, the doc examines the eye & says "...it looks like a normal post op cataract eye."  They give me more eye drops, instructions to now use them 4x per day and off we go.

Right now, I'm headed back to see him again.  I have all kinds of swirlies, my vision still isn't clear, I'm not driving & I feel pressure in my eye.  I wasn't supposed to see him again for a week but he said "Come on over." 

Speaking of over, that's what I want this to be.

Mirror Mirror On the Wall

Every Christmas, Santa fills my stocking with delightful small items; but this year he blew it.  This year, he  included something I viewed with intuitive alarm:  a small, round extreme magnification make up mirror.  Now, I don't know about you, but when you are a women of a certain age, you do not want to view yourself in the extreme.  You may need an average magnifying mirror in order to better see your face without squinting while you apply makeup.  Extreme is another matter. The number of times this thing enlarged my eye was so unexpected and abrupt, I dropped it in dismay. 

I look in the mirror every morning before and after makeup.  I am an optimist.  I generally feel I have very few lines or wrinkles or even age spots.  My skin is still on the oily side so I haven't the crepe paper texture so often associated with aging.  However, this mirror shows all my blemishes, crow's feet, enlarged pores and more.  It's like putting myself under a microscope and recoiling from what I now see.  Aarrggh! 

Don't get me wrong, I am trying very hard to age gracefully, sans face lifts, botox and whatever else people use to slow the process.  But, I still have my illusions and that mirror will shatter them if I keep it.  Can't break it as I'll have seven years of bad luck.

I think I'll wrap it and give it to one of my friends.

Photo from freeimages.com

The Ambivalence of Aging Part 2: Facelifts

I would be a liar if I said I never thought about having plastic surgery. Part of the aging process involves the contemplation of whether to have "work done": a face lift, a chin lift, or just my neck reined in! Watching the Academy Awards, or any tv for that matter, gives perspective to the question of To Lift or Not to Lift?

I have, for many years, said all of the following:

1) I'll never do that
2) I've earned the lines and wrinkles I have
3) It's vain
4) We should grow old gracefully.
5) I'm scared to let anyone carve on me
6) I can't afford it

The last two are probably the most honest. The first three are bombast. I'm not a viewer of "Nip/Tuck". Maybe I should be. I assume it's all about sex with your plastic surgeon.

All I know is, every time I see a commercial for the string that lifts your chin up, eliminating what I fondly call a "chicken neck" ...I WANT ONE!

Now, I have neither the time nor the money for any elective surgery at all. But I can no longer say I don't want it.

Reasons to do it:
Racquel Welch looks great! (Of course, she's great looking to begin with. )
Sophia Loren looks great! (ditto).
Barbara Walters looks great for her age.
Victoria Principal (I hear she was married to a plastic surgeon + she has a skin care line.)
Jane Fonda looks really good.
Pamela Harrington (deceased) is reputed to have had one of the great face lifts of all time.

Reasons not to do it:
Faye Dunaway (she's a cut or two away from looking like the Cat Woman).
Mary Tyler Moore (I hear she was or is married to a plastic surgeon. Too bad he isn't as good
as Victoria Principal's ex).
Joan Rivers (nuf said).
Lisa Rinna (her mouth looks funny)
Lauren Bacall (she's never had one and I believe her).

I can make a case for either decision but the funny thing is, the "Reasons Not to do it" are the ones that come most easily to mind. Perhaps that is because there have been so many good ones nobody is really aware of them?

What do you think? I mean, really, what do you think?