Navigating 60

"They" say

Friends since grade school  Cali visit 2008

•      "It's just a number" 
•      "You're only as old as you feel" 
•      "Looking good is better than feeling   good" 
•      "Confidence is everything."

My number is 61.  Of late, I've been feeling substantially older and there's no trade-off for not feeling good.  Confidence?  It lies somewhere between a good day at work and how well my makeup goes on in the morning.  

I'm on that precarious balance beam between aging and OLD AGE.  No matter how often I walk toe to heel up and down the beam, I lean in towards the tired and decrepit side.  Yes.  I "lean in" but not the way Sheryl Sandberg advocates.  I'm tired and mad as hell and I don't want to play any more!

Pitty party petulant?  You bet.  Envious of my retiring friends with money saved?  Yes again.  Fear of the future?  Definitely.

Class of 1969 H.S. Reunion held 2008

What to do?

Possible options:

• Plastic surgery
• Frequent facials
• More exercise, less food
• More time spent with old friends
• Create an exit strategy for when you retire or get fired

Of course, applying work strategies to personal problems may or may not be the best solution.  But it is a dispassionate approach.  I can already rule out the plastic surgery.   I'd have to dip into retirement funds and that ain't gonna happen.  I was getting frequent facials for a while and they helped.  They're expensive, however, at $60 per.  That means something else has to go and it's not going to be my hair cuts & color every six weeks.  Those will be the last thing I ever give up.

More time spent with old friends my age is the most appealing.   We can talk without flinching about things forty years back, an uncomfortable elephant in the room when meeting new people not clued in to our exact decade in life.  Being a "Sixties" kid is not what it used to be.  I like the camaraderie of shared experiences.  It binds and comforts us.

Party in Westlake Village, CA  2008

My husband and I are thinking hard about our next act, where to live and how to afford it.

I'd love to hear your thoughts and/or experiences on the subject of retirement planning.  Even if you're not there yet, you probably have ideas along the lines of what you'll do.

Off the Grid

Have you ever been rolling merrily along without a care in the world, only to receive an unexpected and unwelcome bit of news that sidelines you for a while?

That's what happened to me one month ago after visiting my orthopedist who originally replaced one of my two artificial hips.  He informed me I needed another new hip.

Yeah.  It's like this.

I was on a short vacation with the spousal unit.  I heard squeaking.  It wasn't the bed.  It was me!!  (Yes, I know what you're all thinking but it wasn't even during THAT).

WTF!?  My right hip produced a faint squeak if I moved a particular way. I could feel it too; the way one feels a cell phone on low vibrate.

I telephoned the doctor's office who had me scheduled the following week for X rays and a meeting with the doc.  I was hoping I had something that was nothing.  I knew better.  Squeaky parts are not consistent with functioning replacement prosthetics.

Three weeks later, I'm on the operating table, about to have the original prothesis removed and replaced in what is known as "revision" surgery.  I hadn't had time to process any of this.  I just accepted the urgent nature of the problem, a loosening prosthesis wearing unevenly on a polymer shielded hip joint with potential for fracture of the ceramic ball atop the femur.

I have been off the grid since early May when this began.  I wanted to write but heavy drugs don't stimulate creativity regardless of what some folks say.  As of last Wednesday, I weaned off the opiates and  am hoping Tylenol will hold me til I see the doc this week on my 4 week post-op follow up.

All I can say is, at the tender age of 61, three hip replacements and a knee replacement are not what I foresaw when I imagined growing old gracefully.

When Less Is(n't) More

My 85 yr old MIL handed me another subscription to a magazine she ordered but can't relate to.  That's it on the left, More.  

More is aimed at women over 40.  It was a radical concept when it launched in 1988.  Magazines and advertisers were predominantly focused on 18-34 year olds. 

I was still in my thirties so I didn't read it and never developed an interest.  Now, I'm pretty much out of the demo entirely and that doesn't sit well at all.

Last night, while leafing through, I read the "Best Anti-Aging Beauty Ideas at 30,40,50,60".  As do most people who've crossed over into a new age group,  I'm straddling the decades.  I began with the 60 year old make up suggestions and worked my way backwards:  

• 60's - use face & eyelid primer, lose the concealer, waterproof mascara, eyelash curler, neutrals
• 50's - use primer, sheer concealer, eyelash curler, waterproof eye makeup, mattes
• 40's - use primer, vivid cheek & lip color, tinted moisturizer, shimmers 
• 30's - WTF Anything goes You're in your 30s.

I haven't used an eyelash curler in decades.  Perhaps they work better now?  I remember if I squeezed too often or long, eyelashes fell out.  

I can't get waterproof mascara or eye makeup off.  Never could.  The magazine experts recommend it if you're using eye cream as eye cream will rub off the mascara, eye & brow shadow giving you racoon eyes, lost brows and smeary eye shadow.  I usually have one or two makeup meltdowns by the end of day. 

I've tried primer and didn't like it.  It made me face feel dry and I have oily skin.  Perhaps there's a really good one but I notice the recommended brand changes & price goes up with each decade.  

Vivid colors, neutral colors, shimmers, mattes; beauty experts do not seem to be able to reach a consensus.  Some writers extol the virtues of a red red mouth no matter your age.  

The Diane Keaton photo I use for styling my hair

I have a photograph of Diane Keaton taped to my mirror.  I don't expect to look like her.  I do, however, style my hair like hers.  She's my muse of the moment.  When I was young, it was Sophia Loren.  I spent hours in front of the mirror trying to draw my eyeliner like hers. 

   

This is exactly how I did my make up in high school

The end result was not quite the same.

After reading the tips, I thought, "What happens when you're seventy?"

There are no provisions, no suggestions, no styling, make up, shoe suggestions.  I can't think of a single women's magazine I've seen that addresses the older woman in terms of style.  Do we just give up? 

Do what you gotta do.  If you're into make up and hair and girly stuff, enjoy it.  One blogger wrote yesterday of her 90 year old mother who still gets gussied up, has her hair done, puts on make up and likes to wear feminine peignoirs even in the hospital.

I kinda like that.

Another Turn of the Wheel

My husband awakened me with a nice cup of coffee with extra cream, just the way I like it.  He gave me an oversized card with a photo of the boys and I on the front.  My husband loves to make his own cards and they are all keepers.  Inside the sentiments were pithy quotes regarding my new status. 

"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened." Cora Harvey Armstrong 

"Growing old is like being increaasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed."  Anthony Powell

And my favorite,  

"The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest.  You are always beng asked to do things and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down."  T. S. Eliot

Thanks, hon.  I feel better already!