Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Thursday Humor

My husband emailed this joke.  If I'd had it prior to today, I'd have included in yesterday's post. As it is, you should go back and read that one after reading this because this joke goes with yesterday's joke(s).

Choosing a wife

A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present
of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.  Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.  
Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.  

Then
 he married the one with the biggest boobs.



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Monday, July 19, 2010

Monday Funnies

When top level guys look down, they see only shit.
When bottom level guys look up, they see only assholes.



Monday, September 28, 2009

Morals

My husband sent this via email today and I found it worth passing on:



 
MORALS
You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

 

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

 

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

 

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

 

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car? Think before you continue reading.  This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

 
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS....................

 
The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'  Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn
thought limitations.  Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'

 
HOWEVER...., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery because without health care reform she is fucked anyway, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

 
God, I just love happy endings!

Christina

Christina
by Cole Scott