Our Faces, Our Bodies, Ourselves

Ashley Judd is challenging the media as well as the rest of us to stop the incessant focus on outward beauty. She is criticizing the critics telling them to get back to the inherent values of worth: good deeds, kindness, character, inner strength...all "beautiful". It was refreshing to listen to her outrage on last nights Rock Center.

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I don't know about you but I am certainly guilty of participating in the practice of "Wonder if she/he's had work done?".  I had the conversation with the husband of a friend who looks so darn good in photos I was sure she'd gone under the knife.  He laughed and assured me she hasn't.  But I started the dialog.  It's part of our world of "looking good is better than feeling good."  I should know.  I'm from L.A.

Women are too often treated as objects, armpieces, decoration, at-your-service.  We may be asked to do things in exchange for climbing the ladder.  We may think it's okay to exchange self-esteem for security.  But we almost always have a say.  We have the right, the obligation to say "No" if we, in fact, don't like what we're asked to do.  Some women/girls have no say whatsoever.  They are slaves, chattel, second or third class citizens.  They are seen and not heard.  Luckily, this is not the norm in America though I know it can happen.  Polygamous society anyone?

We all scrutinize ourselves and one another too much.  We're all critical.  I am probably more focused on my looks now they are changing, aging & losing their luster than at any other point in my life.  It's exhausting.

What are your thoughts?  Have women perpetrated an age-old problem?  Is it thrust upon us by the male hierarchy, still in charge?  The media?  Advertising?  What can we do to change the dialog?

When Less Is(n't) More

My 85 yr old MIL handed me another subscription to a magazine she ordered but can't relate to.  That's it on the left, More.  

More is aimed at women over 40.  It was a radical concept when it launched in 1988.  Magazines and advertisers were predominantly focused on 18-34 year olds. 

I was still in my thirties so I didn't read it and never developed an interest.  Now, I'm pretty much out of the demo entirely and that doesn't sit well at all.

Last night, while leafing through, I read the "Best Anti-Aging Beauty Ideas at 30,40,50,60".  As do most people who've crossed over into a new age group,  I'm straddling the decades.  I began with the 60 year old make up suggestions and worked my way backwards:  

• 60's - use face & eyelid primer, lose the concealer, waterproof mascara, eyelash curler, neutrals
• 50's - use primer, sheer concealer, eyelash curler, waterproof eye makeup, mattes
• 40's - use primer, vivid cheek & lip color, tinted moisturizer, shimmers 
• 30's - WTF Anything goes You're in your 30s.

I haven't used an eyelash curler in decades.  Perhaps they work better now?  I remember if I squeezed too often or long, eyelashes fell out.  

I can't get waterproof mascara or eye makeup off.  Never could.  The magazine experts recommend it if you're using eye cream as eye cream will rub off the mascara, eye & brow shadow giving you racoon eyes, lost brows and smeary eye shadow.  I usually have one or two makeup meltdowns by the end of day. 

I've tried primer and didn't like it.  It made me face feel dry and I have oily skin.  Perhaps there's a really good one but I notice the recommended brand changes & price goes up with each decade.  

Vivid colors, neutral colors, shimmers, mattes; beauty experts do not seem to be able to reach a consensus.  Some writers extol the virtues of a red red mouth no matter your age.  

The Diane Keaton photo I use for styling my hair

I have a photograph of Diane Keaton taped to my mirror.  I don't expect to look like her.  I do, however, style my hair like hers.  She's my muse of the moment.  When I was young, it was Sophia Loren.  I spent hours in front of the mirror trying to draw my eyeliner like hers. 

   

This is exactly how I did my make up in high school

The end result was not quite the same.

After reading the tips, I thought, "What happens when you're seventy?"

There are no provisions, no suggestions, no styling, make up, shoe suggestions.  I can't think of a single women's magazine I've seen that addresses the older woman in terms of style.  Do we just give up? 

Do what you gotta do.  If you're into make up and hair and girly stuff, enjoy it.  One blogger wrote yesterday of her 90 year old mother who still gets gussied up, has her hair done, puts on make up and likes to wear feminine peignoirs even in the hospital.

I kinda like that.

Mirror Mirror On the Wall

Every Christmas, Santa fills my stocking with delightful small items; but this year he blew it.  This year, he  included something I viewed with intuitive alarm:  a small, round extreme magnification make up mirror.  Now, I don't know about you, but when you are a women of a certain age, you do not want to view yourself in the extreme.  You may need an average magnifying mirror in order to better see your face without squinting while you apply makeup.  Extreme is another matter. The number of times this thing enlarged my eye was so unexpected and abrupt, I dropped it in dismay. 

I look in the mirror every morning before and after makeup.  I am an optimist.  I generally feel I have very few lines or wrinkles or even age spots.  My skin is still on the oily side so I haven't the crepe paper texture so often associated with aging.  However, this mirror shows all my blemishes, crow's feet, enlarged pores and more.  It's like putting myself under a microscope and recoiling from what I now see.  Aarrggh! 

Don't get me wrong, I am trying very hard to age gracefully, sans face lifts, botox and whatever else people use to slow the process.  But, I still have my illusions and that mirror will shatter them if I keep it.  Can't break it as I'll have seven years of bad luck.

I think I'll wrap it and give it to one of my friends.

Photo from freeimages.com